any given day

There are days that call for the strength of mountains,

to meet force with force

to hammer against the cold hard rock

until it gives, revealing treasured gems

unseen to most.

There are days I am allowed to drift

to float along with or without, to explore

my creator within His seas and think or not,

as I interact with judgments that flow

(regardless of what I choose) about anything or nothing.

There are days that I feel threaded into the ground,

just another blade of grass among many…

walked on, cut down—but soft, oh, so tender—

being vulnerable while rooted to God and community

(willingly) is a unique strength.

Then there is today, when I recognize the consequences

of being too firm. Of wanting to hold those who drifted out of reach,

or beyond, or that I only met once as a mountain, or the sea,

or whimpered beneath them as grass

so I can prove that I can be a tree just as well…

with the flexibility of limbs tall-reaching towards the sky

I don’t have to beat myself black and blue for diamonds,

drown for answers, or let life run over me.

I can turn and bend and keep on reaching for light,

unfolding one small scroll of wisdom at a time, and
even after the pelting of a hard days rain, 
or the chaffing of the whipping wind,

yes, even though my boughs hang low, 
I have hope in the sun.

unwell.

yes, i feel unwell, smothered,

and lasting. each deep breath

pulls like water, a sinking anchor

(and i used to trust the air…)

that drags long the moments

of tears into yawns that stress ‘rest’

and i nod, only partially,

because i know there is more,

have felt more, have been more before…

it was the day after one like this

when the waters dispersed,

a great exhale of words that ran for,

panted after, screamed 'freedom',

so wild, into a million flowers

blooming the hillside into fragrance

soft

and light

fresh pollen dusted my nose,

tickled my throat, and

i can still feel the stems

pressed tightly together in my hand

as I approached Him…

that day is coming,

tomorrow.

Many of my thoughts lately have been breezy. They come both gently and full force, and don't seem to hang on for long. As a writer, this is frustrating. As a poet it is a slow suicide...somehow, though I keep hope alive! Good friends help, and good music as well. Lucky for me, I've got Shellee for both.

One late night, I received a text from Shellee about a song she had just written, and got up in the dark to listen to her 11 pm rendition of The Trees. I don't know about you, but that's about the time of night when I am drifting through some pretty heavy thoughts, and doing my best to let them fly. Most nights I leave the conscious world with more questions than answers, a process that can sometimes seem like an endless struggle to find the information I feel I need to move on.

"Will you lay down the fight

And will you hold the sky's lights

Where you are tonight?"

This song is freeing. In the asking, it releases a bit of the tension of being human, opening up space for movement, for Spirit, for life, for comfort. It reminds me not to let my own thoughts and questions build up into prison bars...I need to reach out, touch and be touched. I need family and friends and words and God. I hear it all in this song: the late, dark night; the wind rustling through leafy branches; the change of a season; the movement of the Spirit; and the connection of friends.

Thanks, Shellee, for reaching out...wherever you are tonight.

To hear an audio clip of Shellee’s story behind the song and to stream it, visit her website by clicking here.

Hello blog.

It's been a while.

I have been trying to live well, I think.

Lately, life has been opposing at best.

I was robbed.

I have been dealing with isolation and identity on many levels...and not just my own, but for people in my family.

My computer crashed, and I lost its memory, much of which I was counting on to hold my own memories...and now I am imagining Mary, who treasured her memories in her heart not on her hard drive...sigh.

I wonder if I am living in worship anymore, or if I am just making it.

I do remember to be thankful, blog, I do...but I often find that thankfulness wants to overwhelm me with surges of love for people out of my memory (not my hard drive, but my soft drive) out of the blue and bowling me over.

This is when I remember that I choose to live in worship, and to accept the unexpected surge of love, and life energy on behalf of others, regardless of reason.

I continue to grow towards acceptance of what is, blog, and that is a miracle given the past few weeks have totally been a downer.

Thank you, Jesus, for activating life and love. Thank you for implanting this substance in me and the rest of us down here and allowing us to express it through the characteristics that make us who we are.

Thanks for continuing to give. It inspires me to keep giving.

Talk to you later blog. :)

What life looks like right now. I keep having to reboot because Word keeps crashing my mac.

He is the veil draped before my face,

Rising and falling with every breath

Taken to move, feel and be

In struggle and joy

All beneath Him

He founded my truest self

Who wins and fails at any given time

At relationships, feverish or well

As I dance or collapse

Upon the one who holds me up.

Always a work in progress...